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So, here’s the truth…I’ve been in a funk for the last couple of weeks. Lack of creativity, dissatisfaction, annoyance, etc. Honestly, I feel/felt like a bit of a walking zombie…just going through the motions of life. I knew something “weird’ was going on when I realized I was losing my “want to”, to even post here on the blog. At one moment, I even considered posting images and no text…but seriously…that would have been lame. My goal in life is to be more than a picture poster, but a storyteller. As of yesterday, I’ve decided that is exactly what I am going to do…tell my story. On countless occassions, over the last couple of months, I’ve mentioned how terrible/testing life has been. In order to overcome this weird season I am experiencing, I realized that I am going to have to completely open up and share what the heck has been going on with me. The only way to experience freedom is to free yourself.
In reflecting on my mood, I realized yet another thing…I’ve been striving for PERFECTION. I am incredibly Type A and aim to do everything in perfect excellence. Having the desire to achieve excellence is not all a bad thing. In fact, I think it is an admirable quality/work ethic to have. However, it becomes a bad thing when it begins to consume you. When you aim to do/live a life in perfect excellence, you put yourself in a place of guaranteed discontentment when things are not done and/or achieved as desired. Speaking from experience, when you DO NOT do something “perfectly”, you grow annoyed with yourself and others. You become disappointed in yourself and others. You develop an offense against yourself and others. Basically, it becomes a chain of reactions that you begin to experience about yourself and others. And honestly, it’s not a good place to be in.
About a year ago, I thought I had really dealt with myself on caring a little less, living in the moment and loving people for who they are. However, this season of life has made me realize that my fleshly desire to be PERFECT is not “as” under control as I thought it was. Or maybe it is…and this season of life is simply a new test. Who knows. But one thing I do know is that my desire to be PERFECT, in all areas of my life, is something that I will continually fight. In fact, it is something that all of us women will fight/expereince throughout our lives. It is just human nature…espeically female human nature.
Without completely ruining the post I have penciled in for next Wednesday, know that I am aiming to change my mindset this year. When “PERFECTION” aims to consume me, I will remind myself that GRACE is the standard, not perfection. What exactly does that mean? Rather than getting frustrated with myself (or others), I will extend GRACE, just as my heavenly Father has done for me. He pours out His grace lavishly and it continually renews my strength to continue the pursuit. In those moments of dissatisfaction and annoyance, we must remember its GRACE that saves us.
Excerise and physcial activity is one of those areas in my life where I feel that I have failed miserably. I was hoping to come up with the PERFECT workout map for 2017. However, because it was not PERFECT, I’ve resorted to just not working out and eating more sour patch kids. But I realized yesterday, starting this journey of getting active, is not about the perfect plan; rather, it is admitting this is an area of weakness in my life and I just need to start somewhere. We will never be perfect and that’s completely ok. Life is about acknowledging where we are, evolving and moving forward in the best way we know how! So, that’s my GOAL for 2017…to strive for GRACE and accept that PERFECTION is NEVER going to happen in all areas of my life. If life were perfect, what lessons would we need to learn to help us grow? Exactly. Cheers for self-acceptance, extending GRACE and knowing that #PerfectNever is completely ok.
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